Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
