you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
