i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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