who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
