I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
