After last night, I could never be a politician.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
