Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
