went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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