it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
