Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
