there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
