Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize