his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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