He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
