I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
