Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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