The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
