i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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