ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
