I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
