Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
