just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
