Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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