glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i dont even know how to be here
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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