i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
