pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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