Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
