im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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