How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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