in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
