Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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