I love black thongs
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
