I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
