And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
