So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he shaved USA in his pubs
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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