when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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