Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
