the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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