so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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