Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You don't make any sense
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