I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize