Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
