Swine flu. Run for my life!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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