I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
