I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
