I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
