Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
