Cold hands, warm shart.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize