Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
