We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
PANTIES FOUND
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
