Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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