Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
