even my farts smell like vagina
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
