i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
