I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
