if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
