my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
