operation harelip BJ is a go
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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