Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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