is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize