I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
