I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
