Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
