You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
