so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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