I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
