Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize