I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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