The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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