OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
