I wish life had little blips of pornography
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
