I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
