I just pynch a tree in the face
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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