Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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