3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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