Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
