who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
