I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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