ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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