Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
