if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
