Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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