I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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