ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
