I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
