You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
