when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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