like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We left the knife in your bed.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
