I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
