Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My Higher Power is John Stamos
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
