nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
