____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize