he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
