His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
